Sunday, October 26, 2014

Blogging Challenge {Day Two}

Look! I'm writing a blog post for the second day in a row! PROGRESS!


Anywho, here is day two...

Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked.

Hoh boy. This question is why I almost didn't do the challenge. Partially because my answer is going to appear to completely cancel out everything I said yesterday. But here goes... 

There is a particular moment that I experience sometimes when being single sucks big time. The moment presents itself in different manners, but it is always characterized by one particular thing: me facing the world all by myself. 

I know what I said yesterday. That being single is a-okay with me because there are so many opportunities for me as a single person that I will never get again if/when I get married. Wherever God takes me I will be in the center of His will and it's going to be okay. 

But sometimes, the thought I could very possibly forge ahead into real life with no human travel companion scares me. I just need one human to go places with me and do things and share in my dreams and passions and especially in my quietness. Or so I think. 

So the moment I described is never the same. Sometimes it's when a friend comes to me excitedly, telling me about his/her new relationship. Sometimes it's when I see two people get married after barely knowing each other. Sometimes when I read of missionary couples with beautiful stories and I sit back and wonder why that's not me. But it's always me against the world, with no human by my side and me feeling completely and utterly alone while I watch other people forge ahead with their companions. 

And the moment always holds a me that is once again questioning God's sovereignty. The me that gives in to the ridiculous belief that God somehow forgot about a certain twenty-one year old college senior who "has no one." The me that tosses aside the fact that never once have I walked alone, and I will never walk alone. The me that wants God plus [a relationship]. The me that pretends that God isn't enough. And the me that needs a continuous reality check. 

I am being completely real when I say that this has been absolutely the hardest year of my life. God has (yet again) been slowly stripping me of my comfort zone. He is revealing the idols that I grasp onto for dear life and the sins that I feed and pat on the head and snuggle up with at bedtime. I keep asking God for people and things and circumstances when all He wants me to have is Him and Him only. 

So yes, I have many moments when being single really absolutely completely sucks. But God has been showing me over and over and over again that a guy is not the solution. He is my solution, my Savior, my Lord. I need no one but Jehovah, Yahweh, God. True fulfillment and satisfaction is found in Him. No matter my situation, my relationship status, my circumstances, this is the truth I need to cling to. If God is not first in my life, I will never find true peace and happiness. And His promises are the ones I am and will always cling to. 

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