This is an interesting one. I'm going to write this one in letter form, because reasons.
Dear sixteen-year-old me,
I've been thinking of you recently. Who you are is who I used to be. I can still remember so many of your youthful dreams and desires. Who you wanted to be, where you thought you'd be when you got to where I am now.
Twenty-one.
In college.
Finishing your last year.
Check, check, and check. Uhh.. well, actually, let's put a "sorta" on that last one.
I know, I know. You're feeling pretty confused right now. A "sorta" on the last year of college?? Did I flunk out of something? What's going on?
No, you didn't fail any classes. You did come close to failing one your freshman year. Seriously, step up your game a little bit, kid. You're smarter than that.
But that's not where I was going with this. You're gonna be fine.
But you're not exactly anywhere you thought you'd be.
I can still remember the perfect world you formulated for us at twenty-one.
Skinny, beautiful, senior in college. Engaged to a looker (either someone with a good job or a preacher boy. You didn't really mind which as long as he loved Jesus and looked good doing it). Getting that 4.0 like it's going out of style and popular. Really popular. You finally managed to afford a car, you're high up in leadership on campus and everyone thinks you're the coolest thing ever. You're headed for the job of your dreams (at this point I believe it was either politician or foster mom. Or both. You were cool with both, right?) and God is dropping blessings everywhere.
That's what you want, isn't it, sixteen-year-old me?
Well... if we look at just that, your dreams aren't coming true, sister. Let's look at life for the real twenty-one-year-old you:
Still overweight (working on that one sorta sometimes it's better than it used to be), making efforts to dress well daily, senior in college. There's no diamond on your ring finger and the next four years have two graduate degrees in the docket. You're not getting a 4.0 but you're working hard and doing your best. And hey, you're above a 3.0 which you'll learn is great. And you've learned a lot from your mistakes. At first glance, you're just an average, every-day senior townie (yeah, we moved, forgot to mention that). You don't have a car and life is nowhere near perfect.
But I'll tell you something, sixteen-year-old me. You may not understand now, but what you will actually have at twenty-one is way better than what you're dreaming of. I know you're hurting pretty deeply right now. And the next five years are going to bring more heartache. But I'll tell you something else: they're going to bring so much joy.
You are so loved, dearest sixteen-year-old me. Listen to your sweet momma as she wipes away your tears. Better days are coming. And sometimes they come disguised as harder days.
You're going to learn so much over the next five years. About friendship and relationships and time management and what's truly important in life.
You're going to doubt God, question His goodness, change your major, and change it back again. You're going to learn over and over and over again how great your God is. Your faith will be shaken, but it will not shatter. You'll fall in love, have your heart broken, and have to break a few hearts (your own included). Your dreams will be crushed and new ones will take their place. You'll be pushed to your limits and then past them and you'll discover that "limits" is just a fancy word for irrational fear.
Because there are no limits where our Savior is concerned. Trust Him, youthful one. He's working in your heart, even now. Listen to His calling. He's going to take you places you never wanted to go and you're going to discover that they're the best place for you to be.
You're going to be scared. So many times. You're going to fight God and you're going to lose. And it will be the best loss you ever experienced. You're going to learn what it truly means to give up the world so God can keep your soul.
You're going to meet people you wish you hadn't and you're going to lose people you wish wouldn't go. There will be victories. There will be losses. You will laugh and cry and shout for joy and collapse from sorrow.
Your hopes and dreams are going to change, sixteen-year-old me. You won't be getting married straight out of college to live surrounded by a white-picket fence living for Christ on your terms.
No, dearest sixteen-year-old me. You won't get any of that.
Because you're getting something so much better. You're getting the lesson that a life lived for Christ on your own terms is a life lived for you and that life will never work out.
A week after you turn twenty-one, you're going to make a public commitment to serve God on the mission field. It will be a commitment you will have made in private when you were twenty, but one you know you need to make public. Because it does you no good to commit but live ashamed of your commitment.
Never, ever be ashamed of the Gospel of Christ, dearest child. And don't be afraid to let your dreams fall apart. Better ones are coming anyway.
See you in five years,
Twenty-one-year-old you
Dear sixteen-year-old me,
I've been thinking of you recently. Who you are is who I used to be. I can still remember so many of your youthful dreams and desires. Who you wanted to be, where you thought you'd be when you got to where I am now.
Twenty-one.
In college.
Finishing your last year.
Check, check, and check. Uhh.. well, actually, let's put a "sorta" on that last one.
I know, I know. You're feeling pretty confused right now. A "sorta" on the last year of college?? Did I flunk out of something? What's going on?
No, you didn't fail any classes. You did come close to failing one your freshman year. Seriously, step up your game a little bit, kid. You're smarter than that.
But that's not where I was going with this. You're gonna be fine.
But you're not exactly anywhere you thought you'd be.
I can still remember the perfect world you formulated for us at twenty-one.
Skinny, beautiful, senior in college. Engaged to a looker (either someone with a good job or a preacher boy. You didn't really mind which as long as he loved Jesus and looked good doing it). Getting that 4.0 like it's going out of style and popular. Really popular. You finally managed to afford a car, you're high up in leadership on campus and everyone thinks you're the coolest thing ever. You're headed for the job of your dreams (at this point I believe it was either politician or foster mom. Or both. You were cool with both, right?) and God is dropping blessings everywhere.
That's what you want, isn't it, sixteen-year-old me?
Well... if we look at just that, your dreams aren't coming true, sister. Let's look at life for the real twenty-one-year-old you:
Still overweight (working on that one sorta sometimes it's better than it used to be), making efforts to dress well daily, senior in college. There's no diamond on your ring finger and the next four years have two graduate degrees in the docket. You're not getting a 4.0 but you're working hard and doing your best. And hey, you're above a 3.0 which you'll learn is great. And you've learned a lot from your mistakes. At first glance, you're just an average, every-day senior townie (yeah, we moved, forgot to mention that). You don't have a car and life is nowhere near perfect.
But I'll tell you something, sixteen-year-old me. You may not understand now, but what you will actually have at twenty-one is way better than what you're dreaming of. I know you're hurting pretty deeply right now. And the next five years are going to bring more heartache. But I'll tell you something else: they're going to bring so much joy.
You are so loved, dearest sixteen-year-old me. Listen to your sweet momma as she wipes away your tears. Better days are coming. And sometimes they come disguised as harder days.
You're going to learn so much over the next five years. About friendship and relationships and time management and what's truly important in life.
You're going to doubt God, question His goodness, change your major, and change it back again. You're going to learn over and over and over again how great your God is. Your faith will be shaken, but it will not shatter. You'll fall in love, have your heart broken, and have to break a few hearts (your own included). Your dreams will be crushed and new ones will take their place. You'll be pushed to your limits and then past them and you'll discover that "limits" is just a fancy word for irrational fear.
Because there are no limits where our Savior is concerned. Trust Him, youthful one. He's working in your heart, even now. Listen to His calling. He's going to take you places you never wanted to go and you're going to discover that they're the best place for you to be.
You're going to be scared. So many times. You're going to fight God and you're going to lose. And it will be the best loss you ever experienced. You're going to learn what it truly means to give up the world so God can keep your soul.
You're going to meet people you wish you hadn't and you're going to lose people you wish wouldn't go. There will be victories. There will be losses. You will laugh and cry and shout for joy and collapse from sorrow.
Your hopes and dreams are going to change, sixteen-year-old me. You won't be getting married straight out of college to live surrounded by a white-picket fence living for Christ on your terms.
No, dearest sixteen-year-old me. You won't get any of that.
Because you're getting something so much better. You're getting the lesson that a life lived for Christ on your own terms is a life lived for you and that life will never work out.
A week after you turn twenty-one, you're going to make a public commitment to serve God on the mission field. It will be a commitment you will have made in private when you were twenty, but one you know you need to make public. Because it does you no good to commit but live ashamed of your commitment.
Never, ever be ashamed of the Gospel of Christ, dearest child. And don't be afraid to let your dreams fall apart. Better ones are coming anyway.
See you in five years,
Twenty-one-year-old you
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